| SMILE Smiling is infectious, you catch it like the flu. When someone smiled at me today, I started smiling too. I passed around the corner and someone saw me grin. When he smiled, I realized I'd passed it on to him. I thought about that smile, then I realized its worth, s single smile, just like mine could travel round the earth. So if you feel a smile begin, don't leave it undetected. Let's start an epidemic quick and get the whole world infected! Everyone needs a smile! |
| Friendship Ball A ball is a circle, no beginning, no end. It keeps us together like our Circle of Friends, but the treasure inside for you to see is the treasure of friendship you've granted to me. Today I pass the friendship ball to you. |
| TO BE A KID AGAIN: To be a kid again.....I want to go back to the time when: Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-mo." Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "Do over!" "Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest. Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in "Monopoly". Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening. It wasn't odd to have two or three "best" friends. Being old referred to anyone over 20. The net on a tennis court was the perfect height to play volleyball and rules didn't matter. The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties. It was magic when dad would "remove" his thumb. It was unbelievable that dodge ball wasn't an Olympic event. Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot. Nobody was prettier than Mom. Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better. It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the "big people" rides at the amusement park. Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true. Abilities were discovered because of a "double-dog-dare." Saturday morning cartoons weren't 30-minute ads for action figures. No shopping trip was complete unless a new toy was brought home. "Oly-oly-oxen-free" made perfect sense. Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling down was cause for giggles. The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team. Was was a card game. Water balloons were the ultimate weapon. Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle. Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin. Ice cream was considered a basic food group. Older siblings were the worst tormentors; but, also the fiercest protectors. |
| PUNCTUATION! An English professor wrote the words " A woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly. The MEN wrote: " A woman, without her man, is nothing." The WOMEN wrote: " A woman: Without her, man is nothing." Puncuation is everything!!!!!!! |
| COMPUTER.....MALE OR FEMALE? As you aware, ships have long been characterized as being female ( i.e. "Steady as she goes" or "She's listing to starboard, Captain!"). Recently; a group of computer scientists ( all males) announced that computers should also be referred to as being female. Their reasons for drawing this conclusion are the following: 1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic. 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else. 3. The message "Bad command or file name" is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you." 4. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval. 5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it. However, another group of computer scientists (all female) think that computers should be referred to as if they were male. Their reasons are the following: 1. They have a lot of date, but are still clueless. 2. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem. 3. As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have obtained a better model. 4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. 5. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night. |
| ONLY IN AMERICA: Only in America.....can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. Only in America....are there handicapped parking in front of a skating rink. Only in America....do people order a double cheeseburger, a large fry, and a diet coke. Only in America....do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. Only in America....do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in the garage. Only in America....do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we don't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. Only in America....do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. Only in America....do we use the word, "politics" to describe the process so well, "poli" in latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "blood-sucking creatures." |
| Little Johnny in Class Teacher: Little Johnny your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? Little Johnny: No, teacher, it's the same dog! Teacher: How come you do not comb your hair? Little Johnny: No comb, sir. Teacher: Use your dad's then. Little Johnny: No hair, sir. Teacher: What's the chemical formula for water? Little Johnny: "HIJKLMNO" Teacher: What?! Little Johnny: Yesterday you said it's H to O! Teacher: Little Johnny, give me a sentence starting with "I". Little Johnny: "I is...." Teacher: No, Little Johnny, always say "I am...." Little Johnny: Alright...umm..."I am the 9th letter of the 26 alphabets" Teacher: If I have 7 oranges in one hand and 8 in the other, what would I have? Class: Big Hands!!!!!!! Father: Your teacher says she finds it's impossible to teach you anything! Little Johnny: That's why I say she's no good! Father: Little Johnny, how can you call your aunt stupid? Go and say sorry to her. Little Johnny: (to the aunt) Aunt, I'm sorry you're stupid. Little Johnny: Mom, teacher was asking me today if I've any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school. Mom: That's nice of her to take such an interest, dear. So what did she say when you told her you're the only child, my dear? Little Johnny: She just said....."Thank Goodness!" Little Johnny: Dad, can you write in the dark? Dad: I think so, when do you want me to write? Little Johnny: Your name on my report card. |
| WHEN YOU'RE CAUGHT LOOKING.... A personal guide to what men should say when caught looking at another woman by their wife or girlfriend. - I can't believe that outfit she is wearing. (Said disdainfully) - Look at that guy....over there...behind the woman. - I think that's a man dressed as a woman. (Incredulous) - Isn't that the actress from the movie Delicatessen? (Chances are she hasn't seen that movie - and neither have you, but you will get brownie points naming a foreign film, and it will be just obtuse enough to distract her.) - Help me, I got something in my eye....can't see a thing! - I was staring off into space because I was about to have an epiphany about the direction of my life and the nature of my love for you, but it's gone now, thank you very much! - Hey, that's the loser I dumped in order to go out with you. Boy am I glad I ever got away from her. What a moron! - I know you're probably thinking I was staring at a beautiful woman, but to me she is like one of those fancy bakery cakes that looks good, but then you have a bite and it is so sweet that is makes you sick. She makes me sick. (It helps if you convulse a little a the end here....maybe it will camouflage your drool.) - I was just thinking how I felt sorry for her - since she can never hold a candle to you ( this one might only get you punched, but it's worth a try.) - Do you think she's prettier than me? (Give her a taste of her own medicine.) |
| FUN PERSONALITY TEST: How do others see you? Grab a pencil and paper and keep track of your LETTER answers. 1. When do you feel your best? a. in the morning b. during the afternoon and early evening c. late at night 2. You usually walk a. fairly fast, with long steps b. fairly fast, but with short, quick steps c. less fast, head up, looking the world in the face d. loess fast, head down e. very slowly 3. When talking to people, you a. stand with your arms folded b. have your hands clasped c. have one of both your hands on your hips d. touch or push the person to whom you are talking e. play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair 4. When relaxing, you sit with a. your knees bent and your legs neatly side by side b. your legs crossed c. your legs stretched out or straight d. with one leg curled under you 5. When something really amuses you, you react with a. a big, appreciative laugh b. a laugh, but not a loud one c. a quiet chuckle d. no reaction e. a sheepsh smile 6. When you go to a party or social gathering you a. make a loud entrance so everyone notices you b. make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know c. make a quietest possible entrance and try to stand unnoticed 7. You are working hard, concentrating hard. You are interrupted. You a. welcome the break b. feel extremely irritated c. vary between the two extremes 8. Which of the following colors do you like most? a. red or orange b. black c. yellow or light blue d. green e. dark blue or purple f. white g. brown or gray 9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep you lie a. stretched out on your back b. stretched out face down on your stomach c. on your side, slightly curled d. with your head on one arm e. with your head under the covers 10. You often dream that you are a. falling b. fightihg or struggling c. searching for something or somebody d. flying or floating e. you usually have dreamless sleep f. your dreams are always pleasant Click here for your personality results!!!! |
| Between the age of 15 - 20 a woman is like Africa. She is half discovered, half wild. Between the age of 20 - 30 a woman is like America. Fully discovered and scientically perfect. Between the age of 30 - 35, she is like India and Japan. Very hot. Wise and beautiful. Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France. She is half destroyed after the war but still desirable. Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Germany. She has lost the war but not the hope. Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia. Very wide, very quiet but nobody goes there. Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England. With a glorious past but no future. After 70, they become Siberia. Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there. Then we have the guys....Just to be fair....... A guy's life can be described as a train on a railway track. When they are 20, Every station they want to stop. When they are 30, They can only stop at one station. When they are 40, They want to stop but they are not allowed to stop. When they are 50, They want to stop but they cannot stop. When they are 60, They can't even start. How to stop? |
| PERSONALITY TEST #2: Just 3 questions and the answers will surprise you.... The mind is like a parachute it works best when it is opened. This is fun to do, but you have to follow the instructions very closely. Get a piece of paper and WRITE your ANSWERS!! 1. Put the following 5 animals in the order of your preference. a. cow b. tiger c. sheep d. horse e. pig 2. Write one word that describes each one of the following: a. dog b. cat c. rat d. coffee e. sea 3. Think of someone (who also knows you and is important to you) that you can relate them to the following colors. (Please do not repeat your answer twice.) Name just one person for each color. a. yellow b. orange c. red d. white e.green FINISHED? Please be sure that your answers are what you REALLY feel..... Now, CLICK here for the results and interpretations. |
| Featured Jokes are not created by DGAF or any of its affiliates. Jokes have been received by DGAF by those who have viewed this homepage. DGAF only checks for possible offensive material but does not make any comments to which jokes are funny or not funny. PLEASE ENJOY! If you have a joke you think is funny or a fun test, please send it to us. We may feature it on our homepage or in our magazine. Send a JOKE |
| JOKES Everyone needs a good laugh!! |
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