Friendship
By: Randall C. Miller Jr.
November 2005
My first week in Japan, I went to my Board of Education to meet everyone. After work, I went home still trying to adjust to living
in a small town of only 12,000 people.
One evening around 6pm, I was home watching TV. The phone rang and it was another foreign English teacher living nearby in
my area. She explained she was the foreign English teacher responsible for welcoming new foreign teachers to the area and helping
them to adjust to living in a small town. She further explained she had contacted the other 5 foreign teachers before calling me waiting
for me to return home. Since it was quite late, she asked me if I had already eaten dinner. Luckily for me, I had not eaten. She then
invited me to eat with her at Gusto. She lived near Gusto and it was an easy place to find for me from my home. We agreed to meet at
Gusto and talk about living in a small town as a foreigner.
About 20 minutes later, I arrived at Gusto. Since we were the only foreigners in our town, it was very easy to find each other.
Even though we were the only foreigners in the restaurant we still approached each other and introduced ourselves. Since I had been
in my small town for less than a month, I let her lead the way. She obviously spoke enough Japanese to get us a table and a menu,
so I watched and listened as she got us seated and served.
We sat down and started to talk about our Japanese teachers, junior high students, towns and even though we were from
different countries, we talked about a few noticeable differences between Western culture and Japanese culture.
Finishing our meals and paying for the meal, we started to head towards the parking lot. Just as I was getting in my car, she
looked at me, smiled and said, “Oh by the way, we will be boyfriend and girlfriend tomorrow.” Laughing and with a confused look on
my face, I got out of the car and asked her what she meant by that comment. She explained that in small Japanese towns, Japanese
do not generally make friends among opposite sexes. If someone from the work place or associated with the work place like a parent,
saw us, they would think we were boyfriend and girlfriend without even asking us first. I smiled, then chuckled and got in my car
heading home.
The next morning as I walked into school, a Japanese teacher told me she saw me at the restaurant with the foreign lady and
asked me if she was my girlfriend. I laughed so hard since it was the first time I ever met the lady and Japanese just seeing us
together concluded we were girlfriend and boyfriend. It soon became obvious and funny as to why she told me we would be girlfriend
and boyfriend.
After living in Japan for a while, I quickly learned most Japanese men have only male friends and most Japanese females only
have female friends. I looked in some of my Japanese male’s cell phones to discover they had all male friends. The same was true
for my Japanese female friends. They too had only female names and numbers.
In the West, a friend is anyone. It is considered rude to say “Male friend” or “female friend.” We treat male and female friends
the same. It is possible to go out with a friend of the opposite sex and have a good time without any touching. In fact, if a western male
has only male friends, his male friends may wonder if he is gay and may ask him if he likes women. Some men may even stay away
from him thinking he is strange not to have any female friends. The same would be true for most females. If a lady has only female
friends, her female friends may ask her if she is gay.
Having friends of the opposite sex is thought to be good in the west. One reason is we can talk about relationships with out friends
of the opposite sex. If we do not have a girlfriend or boyfriend, we can always ask out friends of the opposite sex what they like. For
example, a man can ask his female friends what ladies like and no not like. When he finds a lady he likes, he can use that advice.
Maybe a man has a girlfriend and has an argument. Many men do not understand about women and their thinking , so he may ask
his female friends to give him advice as to why his girlfriend is angry and how he can fix it with her.
In the west, a friend can be anyone. When someone says they are going to bring a friend, we never know who to expect. We never
really care if they bring a male or female friend. If we see a male and female alone out having fun, we do not think they are girlfriend
and boyfriend.
I quickly realized Japanese culture is very different. I then kept my female friends secret since I knew no one else would understand
a western style friendship.
In the west, friends are made by things in common. If both people like the same activities like same kinds of movies, sports, foods,
they may become friends. If the conversation is good, then people will become friends. Friends can be made anywhere, from work
which is rare to meeting in a bookstore or club or anywhere.
The only thing that usually separates people from becoming friends is usually age. Usually a person under 21 years old will not
become friends with someone over 21 years old, although there are quite a few friendships like this. Generally friends stay in their
age groups. A person in their early 20s would probably not have anything in common with a 30 or 40 year old person. Most people in
their 20s, want to go out drinking because they can legally drink alcohol and get into clubs and bars. People under 21 years old can
not get into bars, so they could not go out together often. A person in their 20s, usually wanted to go out and have fun and explore the
world. Their conversation would probably about things they want to do and places they want to go. A person who is in their 30s,
probably talks about places they have been and maybe their time in college. People in their 40s are probably talking about saving
money and preparing for retirement and living their life dreams. People in their 50s and older are probably talking about their past and
maybe health problems. It would be very difficult for these different age groups to be real friends, so although they may become
acquaintances, they probably would not exchange phone numbers and become friends.
In the west, friendship is taught to be between both sexes. We can learn from the opposite sex and they can teach us about things
we never knew. All friends should be treated the same. Of course some people have best friends, in which they tell big secrets, but
mainly friends are treated the same. We introduce our friends as , “My friend”, never as my “male / female friend.” By saying, “friend”, it
lets others know all friends are equal.
Adjusting to Japan
November 2005
I was in my small town in Kyushu for about 3 months. One Friday afternoon I finished work and was ready to go home. I got home
around 5pm and was getting ready to prepare for a good weekend. My plan was to go into the big city Saturday morning and have
some fun. I ate dinner about 6pm and watched some TV. About 8pm I realized I didn’t have enough money to go into the big city. I
looked for my ATM card, got it and drove to the post office where my account was. After I parked my car, I walked up to the door waiting
for the automatic doors to open so I could have access to the ATM machine. Waiting for a few seconds, I realized the door would not
open. To my surprise, I looked in the window and noticed the post office ATM was closed. I was so surprised to see Japanese ATMS
close at 6pm. All my plans were canceled and I had to spend all weekend with only 1,000 yen in my pocket.
In America, all money accounts are in only in banks so I was first surprised to learn Japanese have money accounts in post offices.
Next, American ATMs never close. They are open 24 hours a day and 7 days a week everywhere in the USA. There are also ATM
machines in supermarkets and drive thru ATM machines in the banks. American banks realize people work long hours and
sometimes strange shifts. Customers also should have constant access to their money. Customers may have an emergency where
they need access to their money and perhaps can not wait until the next morning. If people work from the afternoon to the night, it
might be difficult for those customers to withdraw or deposit money into their accounts. Therefore, American banks give 24 hour
access to customer’s money.
Americans do not like to carry large amounts of money with them. Generally Americans prefer to carry small sums of money
perhaps less than $100 in their pocket. American is a credit society and most Americans rarely use cash, but rather use checks, debit
cards and credit cards. There are some situations when people do not wish to use their credit cards but prefer using cash. Although
there are very few places who do not accept credit cards, sometimes Americans think about interest on their credit cards or how long
it takes for a check to clear the bank, so they prefer to use cash.
A person could be going to a nightclub and realize at 10pm they only have $5 (about 500 yen). They will tell their friends to stop at an
ATM on the way to the club to withdraw money. If ATMs closed, this person would not be able to have a good time and go to the club,
but rather cancel their plans only because they can not get their money from the bank. The person would get angry because they will
think they have $5,000 (about 500,000 yen) in their account, but they can not get their money. This person may get so angry, they may
change their account to another bank, and now the bank has lost business. They may stop depositing large amounts of money into
their accounts which will hurt the bank, so to keep the banks and customers happy and satisfied, ATMs never close.
American banks realize the money is not the bank’s money, but always belongs to the customers. Banks also realize there is
competition and if they do not offer a service to their customers, their customers will go to their competition and the banks will begin
losing money.
I was so surprised ATMs closed in Japan, I began carrying at least \20,000 with me all the time. That weekend taught me a funny
lesson about Japan and I just laughed all weekend while eating instant ramen.
American Military
Joining the military in America is voluntary. When a man or woman turns 18 years old, they must go to a local post office and
register for the armed services.
In America, there are various armed forces. There is the Army, Army Reserve, Navy, Air Force, Marines. In high school every senior
student will take the armed forces’ test. In some high schools a representative from each branch will visit the high school and talk to
the students answering any questions students may have about joining the armed forces.
Registering for the armed forces is very easy. Anytime between a man or woman’s 18th and 19th birthday, they must visit any post
office and register for the armed services. Registering only allows the American government to keep tract of those Americans who
have turned 18 years old. A person enters a post office and tells a teller they are 18 years old and want to register for the armed
services. The teller will then give the person a postcard to register. On the post card, a person must write their full legal name, current
address, age, birthday and at the bottom, they must check one of three boxes. The boxes are:
I want to join the military. Please have an agent contact me.
I am not sure I want to join the military. Please send me more information about the military.
I do not want to join the military.
If a person checks the first box wanting to join the military, a person from the military will contact them. They must be specific about
which branch they want to join or they can get information from all branches and make up their mind later. Before they take their oath,
they can always change their minds and not join. Even though they said they want to join the military, they can change their mind at any
time and not join.
If a person checks the second box and is not sure about joining, they will receive information about all branches and take time to
make a decision. They can meet with representatives from all branches first before making a final decision. This person can also at
any time change their mind and not join.
If a person checks the third box stating they do not wish to join the military, their registration postcard will be put on file and nothing
will happen. They can at any time change their mind and ask for more information if they wish.
There are both advantages and disadvantages to joining the American military. First, the obvious disadvantage to joining the military
is the possibility of going to war and possibly being injured or killed.
There are lots of advantages to being in the military. First, all soldiers have free room and board by living in the barracks. Soldiers
do not pay any rent or utilities. The only time a soldier may pay rent or utilities is if they get married and move into an apartment off the
military base.
Second, all soldiers have free medical and dental insurance. If a soldier is on the base, they can visit any military hospital or dentist
and receive free care simply by showing their military identification.
Third, all soldiers can go shopping on the base and purchase merchandise at a cheaper price because they do not pay sales tax.
Even though soldiers must file state and federal taxes in April, the military will fill out all the paper work for free. The soldier only has
to sign the tax forms and mail them in.
All soldiers have life insurance. All soldiers pay about $10 a month for life insurance. This small payment covers about $100,000 in
payment if the soldier is killed either in training or in wartime.
All soldiers receive free eye care. If a soldier needs glasses, they can receive free glasses from the military. Of course the frames
are only military issued, so if the soldier wants special frames, they must pay for the expensive frames themselves.
Another advantage is a chance to travel around the world. The US military has bases in Europe, North America and Asia.
Since education is so important in America, the military has arranged a program to help soldiers to pay for a college education. If a
soldier wants to take college level courses in the military, the military will pay for about 50% of the course. Some soldiers want to
attend college after getting out of the military. In this case, there is a GI BILL and a COLLEGE BILL available to all soldiers.
To qualify for the GI Bill is easy. After taking the military test, all soldiers are eligible for the GI Bill. Once a soldier begins receiving
their salary from the military, they can elect to take part in the GI Bill. If they want to be in the program, $10 a month will be deducted
from their salary every month and placed into the GI Bill program. The $10 will only be deducted for 1 year to total $100. When the
soldier is honorably discharged from the military, they will have to register at any accredited university. When they are accepted into an
university, they will receive about $300 a month to help with paying tuition at their university. They will receive the money for 4 years
which is about the time it takes for a person to graduate.
For a person to qualify for the College Fund, a person must score over 110 on their military test. If they do, they will do the same as
those participating in the GI Bill by having $10 a month deducted from their salary for a year. After they are honorably discharged, they
will receive an average of $750 a month for 4 years. This money is to help pay for tuition.
If at any time a person is receiving the GI bill or College Fund and they shorten their hours to a part time student, the payments will
also be half about $150 and $375. If a person quits school, the payments will also end. When the person begins school again, the
payments will also begin again.
If a person decided to join the military, the minimum amount of years is 2 years. After the 2 years, a soldier has the option to resign
for 2, 3 or 4 more years or get out of the military. If the person resigns and stays in the military, all of their benefits will continue.
If a person decided to get out of the military, there are still more benefits. First, a person is now considered a veteran. This means
they can get special privileges in getting certain government jobs. Some employers of companies may want a veteran as an
employee because of the veteran’s good discipline and training as s soldier.
In some states, like the state of Georgia, veterans get their drivers license renewed for free as long as they are a resident of the
State of Georgia.
All veterans are given a form that will help them buy a house. When a veteran buys their first house, the military will approve 80% of
the loan for the house.
Veterans life insurance can continue with a private company at a discount price. They will continue the payments which will be a
little higher, but they can continue their life insurance at a much cheaper rate than others.
There are so many advantages to joining the military, but no one can be forced to join. The decision to join is always up to the
person. Joining is 100% CHOICE.